Saturday, 28 May 2016

Big Bang

What with Hay having been away for the week, No.1 Son and I have been cooking for ourselves - or rather I've been cooking for both of us. That usually means lots of steak and lots of chips.

Last night I was getting the chip oil up to temperature, for which I use a temperature probe to ensue the oil is hot enough and to avoid a chip pan fire. Well, I got distracted and put the probe down. I could have sworn I'd put it next to the chip pan, but could I find it again? No! I proceeded without the probe.

Spent an hour or more searching around downstairs but to no  avail/  I was eventually convinced it had become subject to a  quantum fluctuation and disappeared into the interstices of spacetime to form a new universe, the life forms evolving within it being based on chip oil, rather than carbon - although oils are indeed carbon-based.

I pondered whether my God-like creation of this new universe would mean that the beings that evolve in there would necessarily want to worship me, despite the fact I'm totally oblivious as to whether they're actually there or not, as I  can't possibly interact with them due to them being in a bubble universe isolated from our spacetime. Would they develop God-men who claim me as their father (and all the nasty child benefits that may be incurred within their chip oil based legal system).

I eventually found the probe in my file next to my laptop. The universe I'd possibly created disappeared in a puff of smoke as the probe rematerialised (well, either that or I'd put it there when distracted by an email and it never disappeared at all, but I think not). What for me was about an hour could have been billions upon billions of years within the chip oil universe's spacetime. It was created, lived and died during the time my probe was missing.

Just think about that the next time you lose your keys. They're not lost, merely busy creating a new universe.

All this Brexit stuff must be getting to me.


  1. I bought four lighters gave one to Mrs which left me with three. Then how come I have only got two and after both of us searching I still have two ?

    1. Ah - in a universe, far, far away.....

    2. ...and your worshipers will be Zoroastrians...

  2. That reminds me of my sister looking for a lipstick in her jacket pocket. She swears at some points of time it falls down a kind of black hole to reappear some time later... Seems she's no so unique any more...