Thursday, 30 April 2015

Juiced Puppets

This juicer thing of Hay's is getting out of hand. The fact the £30 Amazon jobbie doesn't squeeze enough juice and leaves a sloppy pulp is obviously a source of overburdening dissatisfaction, not to say utter waste. She is scouring the internet for one that peels, juices, presses and self-composts, spitting out nothing more noxious than solid pellets of fibre than can conveniently be used in a wood burner. Solar panels would be a bonus.

She's looking at one for over £100. When quizzed about this she told me it uses the pulp. I said; "So it's a smoothie maker?" She denied this, saying smoothie makers only use fruit and can't do vegetables. Amazon proved her wrong - £17.99 for a fruit and veggie smoothie maker, rather than a specialist zuzzer at over £100. She replied that they can't do tough root vegetables, I said smoothie makers do ice, which is a tad tougher than a carrot. So it's a fad, and where there's a fad there's a bunch of rip-off artists waiting to make a fortune.

I see that bloke who worked Orville, the obnoxious green duck, died the other day. At least he was a ventriloquist. Rod Hull made an entire career from a mute emu puppet and wasn't even a ventriloquist. How weird is that!

Talking of puppets - what about Miliband Minor cozying up to Russell Brand? You may consider Brand to be a publicity hungry, self-centred prat, but there's no denying that with millions of brain dead Twitter followers hanging off his every guru-like utterance, he certainly has influence. Just goes to show how dangerous a large swathe of the population is when they find a guru, no matter how mad - I'm sure he could tell them to vote UKIP and they would. Shades of Life of Brian.

All these grandiose promises coming out of the political woodwork in the last few days, like Cameron's law about tax increases, are so much chaff in the wind. The legislative agenda is so tightly packed with amending hasty, badly drafted laws that there's precious little time for any additional legislation - to squeeze anything new in is nigh impossible. Even if something new were possible, I can guarantee it will be so full of holes that it wouldn't end up on the statute books in any meaningful way till the end of the next parliament, if then.

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