'Tis The Season

I learned yesterday that the town a couple of miles down the road, Yate, had its Christmas lights turned on by Peter Andre. That just about sums up Yate.

Portishead chose Nigel Parker, a local Homebase shop assistant who is apparently one of the nicest men on the planet and renowned for his customer service skills and general cheeriness. An excellent choice!

I’m waiting for Old Sodbury to choose this old sod to switch on their single Christmas candle. My offer to play the part of Baby Jesus in the school nativity was turned down for some inexplicable reason. Probably ageism.

We’re having an extended family Christmas dinner up the road at The Dog on the evening of the 23rd, which is a bit of a pisser for the poor bastard who gets to receive my blood donation that I’m due to give on Christmas Eve. Just hope it’s some old wino.

We’ve booked a barn in the back end of beyond in Cornwall for the New Year week. It will probably be pissing down with rain and a howling gale will be blowing. Deep joy! At least I’ll have one of my young sons with me and the rest of Hay’s family. Last year we had a house in St Ives for the Christmas week and it was idyllic. This place is on a country road, meaning you can’t even go for a walk without risking being mown down by traffic.

To finish, here’s a topical cooking tip from The Chairman. For a really succulent and moist turkey this Christmas (unless you’re from out American colonies, in which case you’ll have had more than enough turkey already) give it a good colonic irrigation before cooking. Bon appétit.