Friday, 15 April 2011

Faraday Cage for Brits in Burqas

Get Your Knacker Faraday Cage Today From Lidl

Lidl is today selling shorts which incorporate a Faraday cage to protect your knackers.

Don’t believe me? See this then.

Official – Brits Have no Taste

Researchers at some dreary university have discovered that Brits can’t tell the difference between a fine wine and dog shit.

In blinded trials, a cohort of people had only a 50% chance of differentiating between quality and trashy wines.

This comes as a boon to binge drinkers throughout the country as they can now serve meths and firewater at dinner parties, as they do in Scotland, with a clear conscience.

Blanket Ban

The Chairman is not so sure of the wisdom of the French banning the burqa.

Without a shadow of a doubt, some women actually want to drape a blanket over themselves, and they should be allowed to do so, if that’s their foible. The women who were protesting against the ban in France, and subsequently arrested for wearing one, are a case in point.

While the instances of the burqa being used as an instrument of oppression are legion, you can’t just go and implement a blanket ban (if you’ll forgive the pun), as that denies millions of women their right to dress as they please. It is not for the state to dictate what you can and cannot wear.

Any move to remove the burqa as a symbol of oppression must come from within the Muslim community, not from outside, else it risks being interpreted as an act of racism – which the Chairman suspects that a ban actually is.

There are existing laws against oppression, and the Chairman suggests women who do not want to cover themselves with a blanket use those laws to protect themselves.

Why be Afraid of Immigration?

The Chairman was listening to some claptrap about immigration on the radio yesterday.

Why are people so afraid of immigrants?

The Chairman defies any Brit to tell him what defines the British. They simply can’t do it. Any definition will inevitably be couched in parochial terms that don’t transcend their local county. The Brits themselves are a result of waves of immigration over countless centuries.

However, ask any foreigner what British values are and you’ll be told they are intolerance, self-righteousness, self-entitlement, laziness, lack of respect, irresponsibility, binge drinking and overindulgence. Oh, and xenophobia.

The only manner in which Britishness can logically be defined is being able to speak, read and write English – and not even all native British can do that effectively.

One constantly hears cries that immigrants don’t assimilate, which is somewhat ironic when you consider that the Brits themselves are the notorious as the world’s worst at assimilating when they themselves emigrate to foreign climes.


  1. Not many examples of religions reforming themselves without external pressure, although clearly this action is only 10% humanity and 90% French politics.

    Another way of looking at this is that Christianity and Judaism have been losing ground to secular pressure for sexual equality for centuries, Islam much less so, perhaps it's time under the heat of the enlightenment torch has come, I do hope so.

  2. That is a really strange advert. Never mind the Faraday cage - why all the emphasis given to Cordura when only the belt loops are made of it. And anyway, it what kind of society do men wear shorts to work in? Must be foreign.

  3. Steve: oh, I don't know - what about the myriad Christian sects in the US? Pressure wasn't external.

    Alan: Johnny Foreigner just isn't like we Brist.

  4. So the pockets won't weaken your cell phone signal but will still protect you from the waves they emit? Sound fishy to anyone else?