Friday, 1 April 2011

Potato & Vodka Tsunami

ESA Says Earth is Actually Large Potato

Scientists at the European Space Agency have released a photo showing that Earth is actually a large and lumpy variety of a starchy, tuberous root from the perennial Solanum tuberosum family.

The Vatican has commented that this is probably part of God’s ineffable market gardening plan and His penchant for growing massive root vegetables in space shows His boundless love for us.

Wives of High-Flyers in Panic as Oddbins Goes into Administration

The stay-at-home, vodka-swilling, alcoholic wives of high-flying executives were sent into a panic yesterday following the announcement that cheap booze emporium Oddbins had gone into receivership.

This vodka diet works – I’ve lost 2 days already.

“Why Weren’t We Told of Poole Tsunami?” Asks Chairman Bill

Yesterday, while travelling to a business meeting in Poole, Dorset, Chairman Bill was surprised to see the obvious debris from a tsunami littering a couple of roundabouts on the outskirts of Poole.

Utter carnage.

Enormous, devastating power.

The fishing vessel, navigational buoy and ship’s anchor had obviously been deposited on the roundabouts by a huge tsunami of enormous power; however, this news was apparently suppressed by the media - probably to prevent panic among the residents of the exclusive Sandbanks resort.

Chairman Bill noted that the stoic residents of Poole seemed to be going about their business as usual, totally oblivious to the catastrophe that had befallen them.


  1. Na, that's just students, one hell of a night though..

  2. Waite till Poole Power Station goes into meltdown and we will see if they are so stoic. I wonder if the potato created by God is a King of Kings Edward?

  3. Steve: I've lost you.

    Alan: the Poulton-le-Fylde nuclear power station might - I hear there was a eathquake there last night.

  4. Never worn a traffic cone on your head CB?

  5. Steve: Ah - now I understand. However, I have never worn a traffic cone - although I have made off with a fork lift in Lagos, Nigeria.

  6. Steve: And a large potted palm somwhere east of Suez.