Tuesday, 12 July 2011

Immigration Responsibilities 7

Overheard in the Caravan:

Hay and the Chairman are watching a naturalist on TV handling some lemurs.

Hay: "Aaah - can't we get one of those?"

Chairman: "What's his name?"

Hay: "The presenter? Terry Nutkins."

Chairman: "No, we're not getting a Terry Nutkins. Anyway, didn't he use to be a squirrel?"

International Court of Human Responsibilities

Did you hear about the fat bloke who is taking his local NHS Trust to court to force them to give him a gastric band as a human right? I sometimes think we should set up a Court of Human Responsibilities.

He maintains an extreme calorie-restricted diet has failed to have any effect on his weight, which is an outright lie, as he is saying physics is wrong. What he's actually saying is that he's not sticking to his diet and stuffing his face. If you reduce your calorie intake below that being burned, you must lose weight.

This bloke should be prosecuted for wasting NHS resources.

Immigration & the Queue

Forgot to mention my little kerfuffle with immigration on Saturday evening when returning to the UK.

The immigration queues at LHR Terminal 5 were at their usual couple of hundred metres long. After some 15 minutes of queueing I noticed there was a separate underpopulated area for e-passports. I checked my passport, and surprise surprise, mine was indeed an e-passport.

I left the manual queue and joined the queue of about 5 other people for e-passports, only to be told by a female official that the e-passport queue was now closed and I should go back to the manual immigration queue - obviously going to the back of it and spending at least another half hour queueing.

I blew a fuse and bellowed; "Do you know who I am?" to which the official responded she hadn't the faintest - obviously. I then said; "Well, if you don't allow me through you'll certainly know who I am, as I will become your worst nightmare." I and a couple of fellow queuers were then allowed to pass through the e-passport cubicles with no further problem, although I dare say my cards (or passport) are marked.

The 1st rule of Queue Management (and don't forget that the Brits are grand masters of the orderly queue) is that if you are going to close a queue, you make sure everyone who is likely to leave another queue for your queue is stopped from so doing before you close your queue. To do otherwise is bound to lead to mass violence and blood-letting.

Beckhams in Tribute to Logan's Run

The Beckhams have had a daughter who they have named Harper 7, obviously as a tribute to the 1976 sci-fi film Logan's Run.

It's Tuesday, so I'm off to Italy till Friday - may be late in posting.

1 comment:

  1. Will they let you back in when you return from Italy?
    Have a good time!