Wednesday, 25 January 2017

Emotional Needs

Hay was reading something about the alarming increase in the divorce rate among 50-something women and had some quite valid comments. The prevailing feeling among these women is that their emotional needs aren't being met by their husbands, but Hay pointed out that men, unlike women, are notorious for not being psychic and emotional needs have to be articulated if they are to stand any chance of being met. Communication is the only way to resolve differences that could lead to divorce and, even then, relying on someone else to meet your needs is a sure path to a one-way, neotenised neediness, which is a deeply unattractive quality. 

Hay never committed to a long-term relationship till she was in her early 40s, by which time reality had set in and the marketing image of a wonderful marriage with 2.5 kids, an expensive house and a marvelous lifestyle had been shown for what it is - a total fake. Bringing up kids is hard, and a lot of women resent exchanging a set of kids for one large toddler the minute the nest has emptied.

She remarked that a lot of women also try to compete with their daughters and become obsessed with looking like they're 25 when they're actually 55. They seem to think to themselves; "Is this all there is to life now?" and the short answer is yes, things aren't going to miraculously change. Essentially, if you want connection, tenderness, respect and unquestioning love, get a dog rather than a husband.

We men, on the other hand, have emotional needs that are quite easily met and don't necessarily require another person to fulfill them, just heavy machinery and/or pistons.

In the photo above, Colin (our builder) can be seen satisfying his emotional needs in a very efficacious manner - and all on his own. My emotional needs are met by occasionally getting into my Mercedes 500SL and clogging it. Buying tools at Lidl also goes a long way to meeting my emotional needs, as does arguing the toss with numpties on Facebook  (that's the 'connecting with people' bit).

Hay suspects I don't have than many emotional needs as I lack emotions, plus being totally devoid of empathy doesn't help me either. Being the sensitive soul that I am, I begged to differ.

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