Wednesday, 4 January 2017

Wide Awake Tips & Predictions

Overheard in the morning:

Hay: "I was awake most of the night."

Chairman: "Yes, you were so wide awake I had to jab you in the ribs twice to stop you snoring."

Now for Mystic Chairman's 2017 Tip and Prediction Time.

Chairman Bill's Grooming Tip for Men:

Unsightly nose hair? A proliferation of ear hair? Eyebrows like curtains? Use this neat gadget to get your spurious, age-related hair growth under control (you'll never look the same again). Doubles up as a plumbing blowtorch, so a two for one bargain.

Chairman Bill's Technological Prediction:

Someone will invent a device for playing vinyl on a mobile phone, but it won't take off.

Chairman Bill's Expert Opinion Prediction:

The "will of the people" will not encompass the use of post-truth surgeons, architects, dentists, lawyers, car mechanics, plumbers, etc., who operate on the basis of gut feel rather than objective facts and expertise.

Chairman Bill's USA Political Prediction:

Republicans in the US House of Representatives voted to weaken the body that investigates claims of misconduct against members of Congress. Although since dropped, this would have had unexpected ecological benefits, in that the Republicans would, instead of Trump's much-vaunted policy of "draining the swamp" (which in any case would inflict untold damage on reptiles) have facilitated reptilian proliferation within Congress. Despite the U turn, the Chairman envisions the entire USA now turning into a political swamp with all manner of slimy, slithery creatures emerging and thriving on taxpayers' money and corruption.

On another tack, the Republicans will make it mandatory to carry a concealed weapon and then blame the resultant explosion in gun crime and accidental shootings on Mexican immigrants.

Chairman Bill's UK Political Prediction:

So, the Fabian Society reckons Labour is too weak to be a threat to the Tories. UKIP are in a stronger position since the referendum, what with Mrs May's dithering, but I'd hazard a guess that they're still not strong enough to be a major threat.

Lib Dems? Hard to say - they suffered from the coalition through no fault of their own as junior partner with limited power, but I think they could be a serious threat in an election due to them being the only party not riven by splits (you could argue UKIP isn't split, but it will be on every policy other than Brexit).

Mrs May has kept her powder dry and her strategy has been to not give away anything regarding Brexit plans. I don't blame her, as I believe she doesn't want to go down as the PM who oversaw a precipitous decline in the British economy, so, my prediction (despite vinyl sales being at a 25 years high and indicating a return to the industrial disputes of the 70s) is a snap election in the near future while Labour and UKIP are weak, possibly standing on a platform of no Brexit or a 2nd referendum, thereby drawing the teeth of the Lib Dems and possibly being prepared to enter another coalition with them if necessary.

She'd win hands down, as many who were ineligible for the referendum would be eligible to vote in a General Election, and a lot of those are natural Remainers.

Actually, I only said that to annoy the Brexiteers.

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