Monday, 21 September 2009

U Turns

UK politicians of all hues are accusing each other of U turns in policy after realising that cuts have to be made to spending plans.

Are these people lunatics? Being able to recognise you need to change your mind due to changing circumstances is a positive virtue, not a weakness! It’s not being able to adapt that caused the disaster at Arnhem, the anniversary of which was celebrated last weekend. Montgomery, in his fixation on beating the Americans across the Rhine, ignored all warnings and objective intelligence to the effect that it was an impossible task and doomed to failure. Dogma is not a virtue.

We went to the Cross Hands Hotel in Old Sodbury for dinner on Friday evening. Nice place, if a bit impersonal and branded (Greene King). The food is cheaper and of higher quality than The Dog, but I still prefer The Dog due to the ambience and the fact we know the landlady personally – plus the profits (albeit negligible) remain within the community. An excellent 3 course meal for two with wine, coffee and double liqueurs came to only £65, excluding the tip.

While Lancelot “Capability” Brown landscaped nearby Dodington Park, his less well-known brother, Sid “bloody rubbish” Brown did the Cross Hands’ car-park.

I’d love to run a restaurant where I could arbitrarily decide on a whim whether customers can be served. On Thursdays I’d issue an edict that ugly people will not be served, or on Fridays that no-one dressed in anything red will be served. Saturdays would mean no-one who is obese would be able to eat there. I had a problem with Sundays, but finally plumped for customers only being served if wearing a burqa – male or female, so as to not be discriminatory.

Why are Moslems allowed to get away with missing the u after a q? That’s discriminatory. Burqa, Al-Qaeda, etc.


  1. And on Wednesdays you will not serve grumpy old men? I also note that you have split an infinitive so I never want to hear you complain about other people's grammar again!
    Despite the above, I wish you a pleasant Monday.

  2. Perhaps you could call the restaurant "The Discriminating Palate". I have a feeling people would always be complaining about the Bill however.

  3. Can people wearing burqas actually eat anything? Would you be giving them out at the door like they give out ties at some London clubs? Must the men wear them too?

  4. Lordy, Bill, you sound like that terrifying restaurant owner in The Cook, The Theif, The Wife and the Lover. Michael Gambon I think it was. Thought the film was a complete load of shit but He was incredible in it


  5. Poor Sid Brown, such an undiscovered genius. What a lovely car park. People should park their cars colour coordinated.
    I wish I knew what a split infinitive is.

  6. Kapgaf: Idiots declared the split infinitive a solecism.

    Alan: Love the name. Very clever.

    Louise: Yes, men too.

    Jenny: I saw the film but never understood it.

    Carolina: Don't worry about the split infinitive - it's gramatical fascism.

  7. I would qite worrying about the qaint customs of the Muslims.


  8. What about Chavs? You didn't state if they would be discriminated against. Because if you're OK with Chavs I'd like to book a table for me, me girfriend Tracii, her 3 kids, my two kids, Tracii's step grandad and my parole officer.

  9. I'll just have to boldly go to your restaurant then!