Friday, 2 April 2010

The Daily Grind

Fellow bloggers are becoming lethargic and my own hits are waning. I wonder why I bother. However, I do love to pontificate, so I shall gird my loins and prevail in the face of adversity and dredge my mind for subject matter.

Hay has taken on an early morning paper round in the village to earn a few bob and do something within the community (I call it care in the community). What with the village post office / shop (with local things for local people) closing down, the newspaper shop in Chipping Sodbury has taken over the village paper round. However, given the distance from Chipping Sodbury to Old Sodbury it requires an adult with a car rather than one of the local cracked-up hoodies from Yate who would stab you for 10p – although strangely enough I do see some of them driving round in cars at weekends.

As I was having a mid morning meeting yesterday, I decided to work from home and was thus able to accompany her as her minder-cum-driver. It was interesting to do a socio-political analysis of the village based on what newspapers are delivered.

The final tally was:

5 Daily Expresses
1 Guardian
3 Daily Mails
5 Daily Telegraphs
6 Western Daily Presses
9 Gloucester Gazettes
1 Independent and
4 Times

There are the crypto-communist at No.13 Cat’s Mews (Grauniad), the unreconstructed fascists at No.12 Berchtesgaden Terrace (Daily Mail and Western Daily Press) and the couple at No.22, who I predict will be divorcing soon (Torygraph and Grauniad). We appear to have no trade union shop stewards or chavs (Sun or Star), however there is a retired truck driver who simply can’t let go (Commercial Vehicle Magazine).

Don’t you just detest people who neglect to put a number on their house and simply give it a name – especially when they live on a long road? Makes deliveries a bloody nightmare. They’ll get their come-uppance when they need an ambulance in a hurry.

Saw a headline in some rag Hay was toting around yesterday – Gordon Brown was saying: “Immigrants must respect our values.” I suppose that means homophobia, getting rat-arsed and eating shed-loads of junk food?

I somehow think there should be a quid-pro-quo in terms of the Brits respecting other cultures’ values – unless of course they happen to clash head-on with ours, in which case we are superior because we’re the Master Race. The old adage of when in Rome do what the Romans do was created by St Ambrose, an Italian, not the Huns or Visigoths, who pretty much did what the hell they liked, wherever they liked and whenever they liked.

We’re thinking of opening the caravan to the public. We’re particularly proud of the Elizabethan kitchen and the Renaissance porch. Do you think it would be worthwhile?

For some inexplicable reason Hay and I were talking about underpants last night. Who remembers calling them shreddies?


  1. Yes, still refer to them as 'shreddies' from time to time!

    One of the juniors on my (military) team caused a near-miss international incident when he tried to explain to our female American Sergeant that two pairs for a ten day exercise were adequate for a daily change.

    She was horrified when he graphically explained the military tradition of 'back-to-front' and 'inside-out' and then casually explained, since the maths didn't add up for the girl, that the two remaining days would be spent trying to borrow a pair from somebody else.

    Since she had brought ten pairs with her, he felt he didn't have to look much further ...

  2. I will apologise here for not visiting daily as was custom, but things are somewhat difficult in the Spiv household at the moment. Be assured that I do pop in a couple of times a week and really look forward to your pontifications, so keep on loin-girding!

    A thought occurs with reference to your opening the caravan for visitors. Under the new disability discrimination laws, it will be necessary for you to install wheelchair paths/ramps, grab handles, brightly coloured markings for those with visual problems and a fully disabled toilet. I think that from this year, you will also have to provide an audio description, a signer for the deaf on demand and facilities for guide dogs. I therefore feel that this idea may be a non-starter owing to the outgoings far exceeding the income garnered from this exercise. Sorry!

    I too still wear shreddies on occasion, once again a throw-back to military parlance. It was quite common, when I was in training, to be woken by some hairy-a***d sergeant shouting "Out of beds and on with shreds - Hands off c***s and on with socks .... NOW!!"
    Ahhh, memories.

  3. Are you sure nobody local to you reads your blog? Much as I admire your writing style I fear for your safety following todays edition. We even all know where you live!

  4. Fletch: Yes - I think it is military parlance. Ladies have a different outlook on these matters to we men.

    Spiv: The new house has to have a downstairs WC with a door wide enough for a wheelchair. It's the new building regs. Seems a sensible idea to me.

    Anon: Names and addresses have been changed to protect the guilty. Also I'm protected by the masthead at the top of the blog.