Sunday, 6 June 2010

Scientists Stun Footballing Community by Inventing Round Ball

Yes, it’s absolutely true! No more kicking a square, small stellated dodecahedron or even a nonconvex great rhombicuboctahedron-shaped ball around a football field.

Footballers throughout the world over are overjoyed at this momentous news. Rio Rooney, midfielder with Blackpockrington Athletic, said: “This is what I’ve been waiting for all my life. Up to now I’ve been using a tetrahemihexahedron-shaped ball, and you simply can’t dribble it. Not only that, but each time you head it you are rushed to a neurosurgery unit in the local hospital with brain damage from having your skull stoved in by one of the points.”

Another player, Diego Dalgleish, striker for Dynamo Kampala, said: “I’ve been brought up using a small retrosnub icosicosidodecahedron-shaped ball, which when it flies through the air has the same effect on you as one of those ninja throwing stars - slices right through you something terrible.” He continued: “At least this means we don’t need teams of surgeons on the touchline to sew your legs and arms back on during the half-time carnage interval.”


  1. I suspect that many of your American readers will read the above and wonder what on earth you are talking about. Unlike us, they have not been inculcated in the love of the beautiful game. In yerms of the coming transatlantic clash, let's hope that they haven't.

  2. Comments by Kaká and one other memembr of the Brazilian selection (can't remember who off hand) "It's obvious that whoever designed the new ball has never played football."