Monday, 7 June 2010

Charity Shop Chic


On Saturday I bought a rather stylish waxed jacket by Zara (not at all like a Barbour) from the local charity shop for a tenner – which I thought excellent value.

Hay and I wondered how such a nice jacket, with no signs of wear, had come to be in a charity shop.

Scenario 1: Man loves Zara waxed jacket. Man’s wife hates it, as it was bought for him by wife No.1, and decides it has to go. Knowing full well that man would not be seen dead in a charity shop, she donates same to the St Peter’s Hospice shop in Chipping Sodbury. Man in the meantime is wondering where the hell his favourite jacket has gone, but can’t ask wife, as it would appear he’s attached to clothes his ex bought him.

Scenario 2: Man has stylish waxed jacket in his cupboard, but hasn’t used it in years. Added to this, man is now a bit of a munter, having ballooned from 12 stones to 18 stones in 5 years of marriage, and can no longer fit into said jacket. Man doesn’t wish to get rid of it, as he has, like every man, good intentions of losing weight at some stage in the future. Man’s wife is more pragmatic and knows perfectly well that man will never lose weight and therefore takes it to the St Peter’s Hospice charity shop.

Scenario 3: Very middle class urban wife decides she doesn’t like “country gent look” of said Zara jacket. While man is at work, takes jacket to St Peter’s Hospice charity shop. Man comes home on wet and windy Friday evening, goes to get said jacket to walk the dog, shouts to wife: “Darling, where’s my waxed jacket?” She says: “What jacket’s that dear?” He says: “That really expensive one I bought from Zara that suits me.” She says: “Oh, that one. You asked me to get rid of that months ago.” He, being a man, decides not to pursue the matter, as he’s always being told by his wife that he has a brain like a sieve. Puzzles for the next couple of days as to what made him get rid of his favourite jacket.

Scenario 4: Jacket was bought for man by his wife in an attempt to smarten him up. Man doesn’t like said jacket and pursues a strategy of leaving it in the car. A few days later man gives jacket to St Peter’s Hospice charity shop, and reports to wife that his car was broken into and his jacket stolen.

What is your scenario to explain the jacket’s presence in a charity shop?


9 comments:

  1. Future ex Wife 2 finds said man in bed with ex wife 1 and her sister, soon to be wife 3, and in rage kills him. His Favorite jacket is donated to your charity shop by the family ! Much more likely scenario in sleep Chipping Sodbury ?
    I wish I had more time to develop the plot, could make a good TV show.

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  2. Great scenario, Bill. If I was a film producer, I'd be backing that by now.

    My own theory is a bit boring tho'. Don't these companies donate new items? I know Gap and them do. Sorry, bit orthodox that one xxx

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  3. Man accidentally left wax jacket in St Peter’s Hospice charity shop after he took it off to try on an Armani jumper.
    Sx

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  4. While tired and emotional man orders jacket by mail order on internet. Cold light of day leads to panic due to sure knowledge that nonbe of wives would countenance such extravagance: delivery is intercepted and item donated to charity shop in hope that no more will be heard of matter

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  5. While out with 'girlfriend' Wife 2 sees identical waxed jacket snogging a blond at the bar. Returns home... Sabatier knife... Neek!Neek!Neek!Neek!... mops the floor nice and clean again.. puts waxed jacket in carrier bag in Volvo... puts man in potting shed... rest is obv innit.

    Moral: like oneself, always enquire in the charity shop "Has anyone died in this jacket, please?"

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  6. From the female point of view .... Wife delivers child to university and offers lift to gorgeous young lecturer in Zara jacket. After a memorable hour in an obliging barn, she drops him where asked and heads off home. Arriving, she discovers Zara jacket in car.After checking all pockets for contact details (always nice to have a legitimate reason to do this) she decides the best way to dispose of evidence is the charity shop ... Moral, always check lining for suspicious stains....

    And here's another ... one Christmas my previous ma-in-law gave me a hideous blue lurex poncho. By New Year it was in the local charity shop, who decided it was so eye-catching they put it in the window. Ma-in-law then says to me "there's a poncho like I got you in the charity shop - I could buy it and we could go out together in them!" Presenting me with the ghastly possibility that I would have to go to BHS and BUY one of the sodding things. Fortunately, someone who was in respite care bought it early next day.

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  7. From the womanly angle:
    Wife delivers child to university and offers lift to sexy lecturer in Zara jacket. After a memorable hour in an obliging barn, they proceed to his hometown and part. Arriving home, she finds to her horror, the jacket on back seat. After checking the pockets (always nice to have a legitimate excuse for this surveillance technique) for an address, wife decides charity shop is best way of disposing of evidence in a sustainable and ethical manner. Moral: always check linings for peculiar stains.... oh and also - my previous mother in law once gave me for Christmas a blue acrylic and lurex poncho. By New Year it was in the charity shop, who decided it was so eye-catching (!) it should go in the window. Next thing I know, ma-in-law is saying "there is a poncho just like yours in the charity shop; I might buy it and we could go out together in them" The visions flash across my brain faster than a drowning scene in Casualty ...chiefly, that I will have to run to BHS and buy one of these offensive objects. Fortunately, someone in respite care sent a runner out to buy it early next morning..Moral ... always donate at a distance ... back to the premature ejaculation thread...

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  8. Sorry about repeating myself ... I thought I had lost the first version, so did it all again - a bit like my marriages ... the second one was bettr!

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  9. You are very amusing Lizzie, do you have a blog that I can visit?
    Sx

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