Wednesday, 24 March 2010

Culpable Clergy & Keeping Your Kids Safe

Overheard in the caravan:

(Hay and The Chairman are watching a TV item on the circadian rhythm.)

Professor Thingumie: "The body clock can be modified by the natural hormone melatonin, which is produced by a gland in the head."

Chairman: "That’ll be the melon gland then!"

Hay: “Yes, most men have one of those in their heads – actually, instead of a head.”

I see a redundant Archbish of Cadbury – Jim Carey – is getting in on the debate about gay people being married in church. He says that plans for civil partnership ceremonies in churches could result in some clergy being prosecuted.

Heaven forefend that members of the clergy should be prosecuted for holding antiquated and discriminatory views. It’s a bit like racists crying foul when prosecuted for what they consider to be deeply held beliefs – beliefs that usually turn into deeply held convictions …. for racial abuse. Next we’ll have the pope saying clergy shouldn’t be prosecuted for kiddie fiddling.

I’m getting a bit tired of it all to be honest. I think gay people should perhaps just found their own churches, develop their own irrational belief systems and have done with it. It’s not as if they are alone in this – Hay and I are wondering how the hell we’re going to persuade our local vicar (who is a woman) to marry us when we’re both atheists. I hasten to add that it’s not the religious ceremony that we’re after, but the connection with the local church itself, as that’s where the vast majority of Hay’s relatives are. I’m not sure if we can simply hire the church and get some itinerant druid to perform the ceremony and sacrifice a small child on one of the gravestones of Hay’s ancestors.

Doctors in the UK are saying that smoking in cars should be banned so as to prevent 300,000 children a year being treated for asthma. Smoking campaigners maintain that their cars are their own private spaces and they should be free to poison their children by whatever method they choose within their own personal spaces.

If they ban smoking in cars, then I think the natural extension should be to ban MacDonalds in order to prevent God knows how many kids becoming lard-arses and being treated for type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure and high cholesterol.

Did you know that the best way of preventing your kids from getting all kinds of nasty diseases is to simply keep them away from other kids?

Just heard that the government has banned cluster bombs. It doesn't affect me personally, as I've never really felt the urge to use them, but think of all those who use them on a daily basis and how they will be inconvenienced.


  1. Peer pressure has a lot to answer for...especially in Blogland...

  2. I am only using my cluster bombs in my car. For pity's sake is nothing sacred?

  3. re. the Church, just offer money CB, worked for me. WRT the child sacrifice idea I think Catholic venues have a special license for that?

    I love the smell of cluster bombs in the morning :)

  4. I am with Steve.. MONEY... the bloody church will bite your hand off for a fiver !!
    Snag is of course you will have to work out when to stand up and or sit down at the right time. I found it very disconcerting that I stood when they sat and vicy verca....

    Perhaps for a tenner the vicar will organise some hand signal letting you know what to do.. wish I could be there with a video camera .. might make a good slot for the "vicar of Didbly"