An Embarrassing Episode

Overheard in the Caravan:

Being somewhat enamoured of esoteric Japanese films directed by Akira Kurosawa, The Chairman had bought himself DVDs of Ran and Rashomon for his birthday. On Friday night he decided to have a marathon session of Ran, which lasts for 160 minutes. Hay went to bed early and, needless to say, The Chairman fell asleep after the first 90 minutes.

This conversation takes place the next morning.

Chairman: “Can I watch Rashomon tonight?”

Hay: “Uhhhhhh - Oh God!. How did Ran finish?”

Chairman: “Dunno, I fell asleep.”

Hay: “What a surprise. You do realise that you’re gong to spend the rest of your life trying to watch the last hour of that film?”

Bob Crow, the RMT union leader initiating a crippling rail strike in the UK on election day, is said not to have been born, but walked out after nine months and three weeks after having failed to reach agreement with his mother over improved conditions and a longer contract.

Overheard in the Blue Zucchini Bistro, Tetbury:

Woman 1: “I like that Blumenthal chef.”

Woman 2: “Mmmm – me too, but I don’t fancy going to that Heston Services on the M4 for his food.”

Hay snogged Charles Dance yesterday in Tetbury. As you can probably gather from the above, we visited one of our favourite restaurants – the Blue Zucchini in Tetbury.


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Hay happened to notice Charles Dance sat a few tables away. The staff knew he was someone famous, but (being somewhat young) couldn’t quite name him. We left shortly after him and happened to see him peering into a charity shop window (eyeing a rather tatty nightie which seemed to have caught his eye). Hay approached him and asked if she could kiss him, to which he had little time to respond before Hay landed a smackeroonie on his left cheek. He commented that she’d made an old man happy, to which I responded that she made me happy every evening. The shame – my partner has become a stalker who does bizarre things in the middle of streets.

Hay in stalking mode.