Tarbuck & Off-Side Surgeries

You simply wouldn’t believe the number of people who have recently landed on my blog when doing a Google search on ‘Vincent Tarbuck’ instead of ‘Vincent Tabak’ (which I can now add to the tally of ‘Gollum’ and ‘Worzel Gummidge’). Obviously I’m not the only one who heard news reporters pismonunciating his name.

Now repeat after me: “Tobacco.” Now replace the first ‘o’ with an ‘a’ and omit the final ‘o’ at the end. You can now pronounce this chap’s name in Dutch. Let’s have no more of this Tarbuck nonsense - he’s not an aged Scouse comedian with a penchant for golf, for God’s sake!

Apropos of the question of women bishops that is splitting the Anglican Communion, it would appear that some Sky football commentators are fomenting schism by articulating that they are not suited to refereeing footie matches either. I wonder whether female bishops understand the off-side rule? If not, then they’re damned for eternity. Buggered if I can understand it myself, but there again I too am damned.

There’s discussion in the UK over mixed race adoptions. Never mind about adoptions - can’t say I’m in favour of mixed marriages, such as between human / Trill symbiants and Klingons for example, especially if the Klingon in question has been raised by humans. Recipe for disaster.

Remember my rant against Barclays for closing my local branch on a Saturday? I still haven’t had a response to my on-line complaint. So much for customer service from The Big Bank!



Big Bastards!

Went to the doctor yesterday for a pressure test on the blood plumbing (which was within the prescribed bounds). It struck me as strange that doctors’ surgeries provide a massive screen that tells you when to go to a specific room, but also provide magazines to distract you so you don’t pay the slightest attention to the screen anyway. It’s OK for the doctors, as they have a Tannoy system, but the nurses in the treatment rooms don’t.

It also struck me that doctors’ surgeries are prime sources of epidemics, and here’s why: if you can’t turn the page of a magazine, what do you generally do? If you’re like me, then you lick your finger to give you more traction. However, if you’re at the doctor because you’ve got some nasty bug (which is invariably the case), then your hideously infected and potentially fatal spit is likely to infect whatever poor sod subsequently touches that magazine – especially if they also lick their fingers when turning the pages. Magazines should be eliminated from all doctors’ surgeries as health hazards.

Luckily I only go to the doctor when well, but I still run the risk of dying after contracting magazine-proliferated lurgy following my visit.