Tuesday, 18 January 2011

This 'n' That

Overheard in the caravan (the Chairman is fumbling in his pockets):

Chairman: “Have you seen my electronic cigarette? I’m sure I had it in my pocket a few minutes ago.”

No.1 son: “Where did you see it last?”

Chairman: “It was in my pocket,” says the Chairman as he continues to fumble in his pockets: “and now it’s ………….. miraculously back in my pocket.”

Could this be how miracles were misinterpreted in the past? Jesus was a bloke, after all, as were all his disciples. “No, I’m sure I said a table for 5, not 5,000!” or “Sorry Lazarus, I forgot you were having a nap – thought you were dead.”

Apropos of the Pope’s initiative to encourage parents to bring back traditional Christian names; I was watching one of Simon King’s nature programmes on TV last night and he introduced his 2 year-old daughter Savannah. He then said he was going to see Shetland. I wasn’t sure whether he meant the place or another of his brood. Perhaps he should call his next child Tundra, or possibly Serengeti. Yate would probably not be an option.

Listened to the list of Golden Globe winners on the radio yesterday morning and was surprised Jamie Oliver didn’t win one for Best Fish & Chip Supper. My God, aren’t films these days about the most inane subjects imaginable? A king’s stammer, a website and a neurotic ballerina! Whatever next? Microsoft the Movie? The King’s Anal Fistula? Saddler’s Wells Idol on Ice?

Following hard on the heels of a Tunisian bloke setting himself on fire, an Egyptian and possibly a Mauritanian have now followed suit. The former allegedly did it to make a protest about his poverty and job prospects. Are we to now see all those on Job Seekers’ Allowance engaging in acts of self-immolation outside Job Centres up and down the country? It’ll certainly clag up the NHS if they do, despite Cameron’s reorganisations.

There’s an article on the BBC website about using modern technology in job hunting – such as Linked-In, YouTube, FaceBook, etc (see the video below). However, none of this is of the slightest use when applying for a job in the public sector, as even the humble curriculum vitae has yet to be adopted within this market. They make you fill in their on-line, department-specific forms, which contain sufficient job history space for nothing other than someone who has just left school or has had less than two previous employers.

Ever heard of Swindon’s Magic Roundabout? I’ve been round this automotive initiative test a few times and it’s hideous – as you can see from the image below. It looks more like one of those kids’ town centre play mats than a serious attempt to get traffic to go in the right direction.

Its saving grace is that the level of confusion it instils in the petrified drivers ensures that cars are going too slow to do each other any serious damage when they collide.


  1. Well, I suppose they could make all the video CV's into a movie? Could be a winner.

  2. SB: It would be soooooo interesting. Just imagine - Accountancy cvs, The Movie.

  3. I would be riveted....
    Banker's cvs could be an eye opener... and possibly X-rated.

  4. "The Thoughts of Saint Bill", I rather like the sound of that. Can we register the miracle of the reappearing electronic cigarette with the Vatican asap.

  5. Alan: You have brought a beatific smile to my countenance.

  6. Or as the Pope said, "Is that white smoke coming out yer pocket Bill, or are you just pleased to see me?"

  7. I've often felt body parts would make an excellent source of names. "Clavicle, now that father's out of work you'll need to shoulder more of the burden around here." "Mandible, close your mouth this instant." Truly, my wife had a student named, Clitoria, and one named Urea as well. I'm pretty sure the Pope would approve. Cletis in Kentucky