Thursday, 27 October 2016

Marmite Body Mass Jungle Ban

Marmite sales have rocketed 61% since the price row between Tesco and Unilever. A marketing man's dream! Threaten to put up the price and everyone (or at least the 50% who like it) goes nuts thinking there will be a national Marmite shortage. Well, either that or those dastardly continentals have cottoned on to it as a cheap weedkiller.

The Advertising Standards Agency has banned a slimming advert and called it socially irresponsible, saying it preys on women's body insecurities. Doesn't all advertising prey on some insecurity? "Buy the latest gee-gaw and simper when among your friends." What with today's epidemic of Type 2 diabetes, people's body image is exactly what advertisers should be focusing on! The ASA fully facilitate fast-food and sugary drink adverts, and if anything is socially irresponsible, then that has to be. I'm currently about a stone overweight (developing my winter plumage), and I'm not exactly ecstatic about it. No person in their right mind would be happy about being overweight and the massive health implications of that. I hope there's an appeal. More people need to be encouraged to take control of their lives, as being overweight is not attractive, nor is it healthy.

Christ! I'm starting to sound like Katie Hopkins.

The Jungle at Calais. There is a solution here and it's entirely in the hands of the French - just declare the Treaty of Brétigny valid and Calais once more becomes English - along with Guyenne and Gascony, Poitou, Saintonge and Aunis, Agenais, Périgord, Limousin, Quercy, Bigorre, the countship of Gauré, Angoumois, Rouergue, Montreuil-sur-Mer, Ponthieu, Sangatte, Ham and the countship of Guînes. The Jungle will then be our problem and the refugees/economic migrants will already, de facto, be in the UK without moving an inch.


  1. Marmite is good for ulcers on the skin - or is that a myth?
    I can imagine Hollande and Sarkosy going for that one.

    1. Given the amount of salt in it, I guess it will kill anything.

  2. What!, and kill off all those cheap booze outlets, there'll be a backlash! Thousands of track-suited lard-buckets will chain themselves to the entrance of the chunnel.. maybe they'll even lose some weight in the process?