Monday, 11 May 2009

Monday 11/05/09

Caravan felt the irresistible urge to build something over the weekend, so we let him loose on the demolished wall and he’s been beavering away squaring off one of the ends of the bit that’s staying.

If I’d had my wits about me I’d have purchased a reclaimed cast iron postbox to insert in the gatepost. A digger has been ordered for next weekend to level part of the site so we can lay some scalpings for a hard-standing.

Fossilised dinosaur tracks found at Ardley Quarry in Oxfordshire in 1997 have been put on display. Experts believe the tracks in the limestone were made some 170 million years ago by John Prescott.

Financial and business news now.

Following Labour’s announcement of a 50% tax on high earners, hedge fund bosses are threatening to quit the UK. Every time there’s a tax increase we hear the high earners threatening to move to tax havens – the fact is that their finances are wrapped in so much complexity and off-shore accounts that the buggers hardly pay any tax in the first place and a tax hike is going to have only minimal impact on them. It’s the usual bluster you hear from the privileged. However, having said that, the irony is that the hike will result in negligible incremental revenue and is more an exercise in PR than any serious attempt to plug the country’s revenue gap. It will raise a maximum of £1.1 billion from the 350,000 higher earners, but many of those will now take legal tax avoidance measures they never even considered before, resulting in an overall net loss to the tax man.

In another announcement, Ratan Tata, Tata Motors’ boss, whose name doubles as a war movie sound-effect, has lambasted Britain for not giving him money hand-over-fist to prop up a plan to resurrect the E-Type Jag. He said that without the money, he couldn’t invest and provide jobs. In normal parlance, that’s called blackmail. Hasn’t the government poured enough money into the bloated car industry as it is? As for resurrecting the E-Type – the car was iconic and a legend, and legends are best left where they are. Just look what happened to the MG marque when companies started mucking around trying to resurrect it – we ended up with re-badged crap that practically destroyed a much loved marque. The chances are that the UK would only get the design business with the manufacturing going to India, where it would be made in sweatshops from recycled tin cans and be fitted with electric motors.

MPs’ expenses have hit the headlines yet again with another gaggle of ministers saying that while they ripped off the tax payer they were operating within the rules. Yes, but who made those rules? I’m afraid that fraud has become institutionalised within British politics, and when that happens no-one within the institution concerned is immune from temptation.

MP and sworn enemy of Joanna Lumley, Phil Woolas, lodged expenses claims which showed he spent £1.48 on panty liners, £1.19 on tampons, a bottle of nail polish at £5.75, £23 on a pair of ladies' shoes, a ladies' jumper at £5 and £15 on a ladies' blouse. Woolas has described the exposed expenses records as stolen property. So what’s the technical term for defrauding the public purse? If the expenses are justified, then I’m fully expecting him to shortly announce he’s changed his name to Philippa Woolas. What’s worse is that he seems to buy all his clothes from supermarkets.

A mother has been denied access to her kids by a court after she was found guilty of turning them against their father. Anyone who knows me will know that that is a piece of news I welcome with open arms.

Prince Charles has taken part in an internet advert to save the rain forests. The advert features a frog, and as everyone knows, princes are really mutated frogs. Below is a still from the advert.

Prince Charles seated next to his brother, Prince Edward.


  1. I wouldn't want to kiss that frog, Sir!

  2. I remember having a badge years ago with a pic of Diana on it, and underneath was written 'I had to kiss a lot of frogs' ... I think there could be a follow up joke on that, but my hard drive has closed for the evening.

  3. Just back from a few days’ absence and I note that during that time you were
    On Friday
    Into outrageous typos : the Badminton Hose trials ? Had they beaten people around the head and shoulders or were they in fact tested for their ability to water flowerbeds ? Or perhaps they were the other kind of hose and there were lots of ladies trying on stockings...
    Misogynistic– I still lust after a BMW 7 series with walnut dashboard
    On Saturday
    You had a conversation with a moron from the Child Support Agency and then you got all introspective on us but I couldn’t work out whether you like Johnny Hallyday or not (I already knew that you like stinky cheese).
    On Sunday
    You got all misogynistic again after contemplating your nipples and then asked your readers to contribute office games (paper-clip sculpture, stapler wars...)
    Well, that wall looks good.
    Yes, tax avoidance. Only the rich earn enough money to be able not to pay tax by avoiding it. The rest of the population just has to cough up.
    The MP expense that I liked the most was the Kit Kat from a mini bar.
    Good news indeed about the mother denied access to her kids and it serves her bloody right.
    And please, how could you not recognize Prince Andrew ?

  4. Kapgaf: Sorry for the tpyos. A BMW 7 Series is not a car, it's a bus. The photo of Jonny Halliday was a play on words - holiday - oh never mind. It couldn't be Andrew - not ugly enough. Has to be Edward.