Monday, 4 May 2009

Monday 04/05/09

Family panic on Sunday evening. We’d had a kampong BBQ and were about to retire indoors for coffee when Perry stumbled and dislocated his shoulder. Called the medics, who were unable to slip his arm back into its socket, and so he was taken to Frenchay Hospital in Bristol. We arrived at about 10pm and didn’t leave till 2:20 this morning. Thought I’d capture his distress and embarrassment for posterity.

Chipping Sodbury is now the epicenter of an outbreak of Swine Flu. A local chap caught it from a work colleague who had recently visited Mexico. I hope the locals don’t congregate round his house brandishing pitchforks and threaten to burn his house.

Was listening to an interview with Stanley Weiser, the writer of the film Wall Street, famous for Gordon Gekko’s greed is good speech. He said that while the greed of the 80s was individual, the greed of this decade has become institutionalised. I couldn’t agree more.

Caravan is trying to organise a party for all of his mates before they die. He’s calling it the pre-death party.

Doug, the friend I had dinner with on Thursday evening, has a conspiracy theory which I find intriguing and entirely believable. He maintains that farmers are overcoming the ban on badger culling by gassing them and then leaving them at the roadside, making out they are roadkill. Strangely enough, I have seen a remarkable number of dead badgers on the sides of roads of late.

I noticed Cat doing her business in the loose soil where we demolished the stone wall. It got me thinking why cats cover up their ablutions. I could understand it if cats were predated on by other animals, but they’re at the top of their particular food chain – so why the need to bury it?

Hay was mentioning how perfectly evolved I am as an endomorph. I seem to be able to put on weight fairly easily, which is an evolutionary advantage in times of lean pickings. She is also of the opinion that I’m perfectly evolved mentally too – I can make lightning-quick decisions about whether to fight something, flee from it, eat it or shag it. Women, on the other hand, have more decisions to make – what colour, what size, what accessories, etc, all leading to a more complex and drawn out decision making process.

Ever wondered why some people are fat? Take a look at these foods and you’ll see why.

Cameron is wooing Tracy Emin and following Tony Blair’s Brit Culture and Cool Britannia thing of a decade ago. Tracy Emin endorsing anything is guaranteed to put me off whatever it may be that she’s endorsing, and if Cameron thinks celebrity endorsement is going to buy my vote, then he has another think coming. It will result in the exact reverse, as it demonstrates intellectual bankruptcy.


  1. I saw a chap on TV the other day, sporting those Gordon Gekko red braces, and as for conspiracies, I sense a return to those wonderfully bullying managerial tactics that saw us so well through the greedy Eighties!

    Your pictures of the Perry Incident take us into our own version of Chipping Sodbury's ER, Sir! Fabulous!

  2. Perry now has to delay next weekend's activity, which was going to be rolling down a hill in a large plastic ball. Hay was going to accompany him in another ball. I thought it all too stressful and declined.

  3. Said activity giving you the perfect occasion to talk a load of balls !

  4. Kapgaf: ...for which I am noted.