Friday, 22 May 2009

Saturday 23/05/09

My car was smashed into on Monday evening. It’s now Saturday and I have yet to receive any communiqué from a garage willing to perform repairs within a reasonable timescale, despite my insurance company referring the case to their ineptly named “Rapid Response Team”. God help us if they worked in a hospital accident & emergency unit. Apparently they’ve only just discovered that the garage that usually does their repair work in Bristol no longer serves them. The next garage they chose can’t collect the car till the 5th June.

Seems, on further research, that flash blogging has already been thought of. So much for my clairvoyancy skills.

Just had brainwave. If every women’s clothes shop had a clairvoyant, just think how much time could be saved! No more looking for the right item, then spending another half hour searching for the right colour and then a further hour for the right size. Imagine the conversation as women walk into a shop: “Yes modom – I’ve already packaged what you will buy. Will that be credit or cash? Oh, silly me – credit of course. By the way, your lottery numbers will not win this week and if you value your marriage I’d advise getting shot of the au pair.”

Ref my comments on babies’ weights. Bit of a silly comment on my part. Thinking about it, besides whether it’s a boy or a girl, a baby’s weight is just about the ONLY differentiator. They all have blue eyes (well, if of WASP origin) and all look like a bulldog after a particularly nasty bout of vomiting. Unless the skin colour doesn’t match at least one (or an amalgam) of the parents, then there’s not much else you can say about a baby except possibly the presence of hair and its length.

Here’s another shop from yesterday’s walk:

Before closing down, Mechelle (?) obviously catered for all 3 sexes (?). I always though that unisex was something undergraduates got up to.

Camouflage window netting! Only in Filton – although possibly also in front of a few caves in the Bora-Bora mountains of Afghanistan and covering a few field guns in Iraq.

Nothing exceptional about Extreme Marine, except that it reminded me of Obscene Marine, an international and peripatetic drinking club of ill repute, whose membership comprised alcoholic ex-mariners and people who were in marine sales – me included. We would attend international marine exhibitions in such far-flung places as Piraeus, Oslo, Amsterdam, Singapore, etc, arranging via telex and e-mail to meet up for a mega piss-up in a local hostelry after the first day of the show. Not sure what became of it.

The Tasmanian Devil has been put on the endangered species list. Usiel Leviathan, Grand Wizard of the Knights of Damnation, broke off from a virgin sacrifice to say that this was great news for all Satanists.

Time to head to Cornwall to pick up No.1 son from an anonymous drop-zone where he's delivered alone by an unmarked taxi (No.2 son has been turned and no longer wishes to see me, although I suspect he does, but at age 9 daren't contradict his mother). There and back by lunchtime - tune into Twitter for traffic updates.


  1. Greetings TC.

    Have just read out your last two days blog to t'other half, and her automatic reaction to the baby thing was, "...if you'd just s**t a bowling ball, you'd want to tell someone how big it was! Bloody men!" Think it hit a raw nerve somehow.

    On another note, you mentioned looking for a tajine for Hay. If it's any good to you, we're "en vacances" at the mo and there are a couple of really good markets in Riberac and Brantome that have them and we could bring one back for you if you wish. I know they're good ones and that you can cook with them, coz I bought one about three years ago. Lamb cooked in them has to be tasted to be believed! The only snag is that we're not coming home for another 3 weeks, so if Hay is looking to cook anytime soon, this may not help. Whatever, the offer stands and I can drop it off the week after, as you're only a nice bike-ride away.

    Have a great time with your son and enjoy the break. I'm sorry to hear that his mum is so bitter as to try and manipulate him and his brother in this way as an attempt to get at you. My eldest daughter is going through something similar and I know how it gets to her.

  2. Spiv: I'd be eternally grateful for a real tajine. Just let me know the cost when bought.

  3. Good Luck with the secret rendezvous in Cornwall. Been there and done that in the past. I hope No. 2 turns around and spies for your side in future.

  4. You know my feelings about exes who do this.

    I really don't need a clairvoyant to shop - I never "go shopping" because I know that I will spend hours and not find anything I like so I only impulse shop - see, try, like, buy.

    Women might get pleasure out of shopping, particularly if they manage to buy something they like but what pleasure is there in drinking until you can't walk straight?

  5. Dave: I'm not into having spies. It's bad enough on the boys as it is without me putting additional pressure on them. I have no interest in what the ex does, except that my boys are not put under intolerable pressure to 'conform'.

    Kapgaf: Binge shopping?

  6. I hope that your car was empty when someone ran into it? And that no one got hurt?
    I'm sorry that your ex is putting so much pressure on your sons. Not fair to them.