Saturday, 3 March 2012

Overheard About the Olympics Crematorium

The Chairman and Hay are watching a news report about some swimmer's bid to be in the in the Olympic swimming team.

Hay: "Her conk ain't very streamlined."

Chairman: "A popular misconception - acts like a drop keel and aids hydrodynamic stability." 

A crematorium in Bath is to remove a cross etched into one of its windows as part of a renovation. The object of the exercise is to make the place a little more ecumenical and less a bastion of in-your-face, Anglo Saxon, masculine Christianity.

People wishing to worship a deity during the process of incinerating their loved ones will be free to wheel in whatever magic symbol they wish as the case dictates, but the local council is keen not to permanently stamp the place with the iconography of one particular, and largely irrelevant sect.

A local militant Christian (and probably Anglican - one of God's own) is up in arms, complaining of rampant secularisation and generating a petition on behalf of his co-religionists to retain the cross.

What has this country come to? Did our ancestors fight several bloody crusades and slaughter hundreds of thousands of Muslims (and a few innocent Jews and Byzantine heretics on the way) for this? I demand Christian iconography be emblazoned across all our public buildings to demonstrate just how intolerant of other religions (and atheists) we really are.

I also think we should reintroduce the blasphemy laws, witch trials and set about recapturing the Holy Land - I shall write to my MP about it. There is only one God, she regularly attends Conservative party conferences, rides to hounds and is worshipped in the shires.


  1. Bill, what's a Crematiroum?

    1. It's a kind of crematorium with trees.

      Thanks for pointing out the typo.