Thursday, 10 March 2011

A Little Something For the Weekend in Soweto

Overheard in the Caravan:

Hay: “You know those health warnings on packets of cigarettes – the ones showing people with bad teeth and deathly pallors?

Chairman: “Yes.”

Hay: “You could become a model for them.”

Nanny Government Knows Best

Most smokers want to give up but simply can’t without ripping someone’s head off several times a day and threatening to sell their children for a fag, research shows.

A little something for the weekend, sir?

The most obvious reason for the recent sharp drop in smoking has been the incessant and gnawing whining on the part of smug, self-righteous do-gooders.

The remaining hardcore group is totally resistant to traditional messages, packaging or threat of imprisonment. Let’s face it, if you’re willing to die a hideous death for your habit, then a patronising message or blank packet is going to have as much effect as a no-fly zone on Muammar Gaddafi.

Crack addicts do not give a damn whether their fix comes in a red packet or a blue one – in fact they couldn’t care less if it was laced with strychnine and prussic acid. Ciggie smokers similarly have an almost superhuman disregard for their health.

People telling hardcore smokers to give up may just as well have Wernicke’s aphasia and be spouting gibberish.

Modern Humans Came From Soweto

Research suggests anatomically modern man is descended from early humans who came from a shanty town in South Africa, probably Soweto.

This has understandably upset the BNP and many Christians, the latter being convinced man originated somewhere in a Middle East dictatorship / theocracy.


  1. You'll be sorry when we find the fossilised remains of a snake with vocal chords... any day now...

  2. Steve: Did you realise that the bones in our ears evolved from bones our reptilian ancestors used unhinge their jaws in order to swallow large prey? A perfect example of evolution co-opting something that evolved for one purpose for another totally unrelated purpose.