Tuesday, 1 March 2011

Price Rises, Franco Awards & Councils


Oil Prices Rise on News of Local Post Office Closure



Gas Prices Rise on News of Rain in Aberdeen



Electricity Prices Rise on News of Arsenal Win



Oil Prices Rise on News of Gas & Electricity Price Rises



Oil Prices Rise on News of Oil Price Rise


Seems like it anyway.


Franco Awards Ceremony Winners Announced

Last night saw the inauguration of the Franco Awards – the equivalent of the Oscars, but for dictators. The Francos are named after Generalissimo Francisco Franco Bahamonde, dictator of Spain between 1st April 1939 and 20th November 1975.

Dictators past and present met in Havana to celebrate truly great oppression and a maniacal disregard for democracy.

The results for the different categories were as follows:

  • Best Dictator – Robert Mugabe, for “Absolute Power”.
  • For Sheer Balls in a Dictatorial Role – Muammar Gaddafi, for “Alamein”.
  • Best Dictator in a Supporting Role - Saif al-Islam Gaddafi, for his news broadcasts in “Alamein”.
  • Fastest Toppling – Zine El Abidine Ben Ali, for “Last Days of Carthage”.
  • Most Convincing Portrayal of a Madman – Kim Jong-Il, for “Mad Max”.
  • Dictator Having Most Power - Wen Jiabao in “The China Syndrome”.
  • Best Newcomer – Hugo Chavez, in “The Cartel”.
  • Best Makeup – Hosni Mubarak, for the documentary “Black Hair”.
  • Best Costumes – Muammar Gaddafi, for “The Great Dictator”.
  • Most Psychotic Dictator’s Family – Saddam Hussein (posthumously) for “The Thief of Baghdad”.
  • Most Creative Use of Repressive Violence – Shared between Muammar Gaddafi and Robert Mugabe for various films.
  • Academy Lifetime Achievement Award – Fidel Castro.

Muammar Gaddafi wore a beautiful powder blue number by Army Navy Stores and styled by Dior. He staggered under the weight of accessories and medals designed by Corus Steel Works. He was visibly emotional on receipt of the Franco award and went into a rambling and delusional speech, thanking the Academy and all the people who love him in Libya.

Loved?


Millions to Have Their Children Removed following Ruling

Following a landmark ruling that a devout Christian couple is unfit to foster children due to their views on homosexuality, council workers are being instructed to remove the children of all Christians, Muslims, BNP members and Daily Mail readers as a precaution.


Cameron Threatens to Use Force Against Gaddafi

The question is, whose? Didn't think we had any left.


Chairman Uncertain

Chairman bill is reported to be uncertain whether it's "a devout Christian couple is unfit" or "a devout Christian couple are unfit". The latter sounds right, but the former is correct according to the rules of grammar due to it being a single unit of 'a couple'.

Opinions gratefully received.



5 comments:

  1. I would go with "are" but then I'm an illiterate product of 70s educational apathy.

    Their views are "well" wonky, but as you say they are by no means alone in the world on that front. I think its the right decision though, saving kids from years of Bible study, Sermons, Sunday school and kum by ya, no one has the right to subject innocent children to such mind-warping horrors, give em drugs and Led Zeppelin any day.

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  2. Steve: Ah, but could it merely be the thin end of the wedge. Next councils will have the power to take all devout Christians' kids away from them.

    I'm not convinced on this one - nor the insurance ruling on women. The latter is based on stats, not bigotted discrimination.

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  3. Well, I reckon it would be the end of Christianity if that ever happened; but you are right it's not going to and probably shouldn't. I think this case is more about our Laws and the idea that just because a value is "Christian" or "traditional" it doesn't automatically have a place in Law, this is a secular idea and I applaud that.

    As for the insurance one, quite right, evidence is the key and let's face it only adults buy insurance and have plenty of choices, unlike young children being forcibly indoctrinated with medieval paranoia.

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  4. I suspect it is "are" because not only have you the Christian couple but also the Holy Trinity as well, which makes five which is definitely an "are"

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  5. I can't be witty but I did laugh at your list of dictators. Priceless.

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