Thursday, 17 March 2011

Murder of Unemployed Roman Republican


Grisly Murder in Old Sodbury


A major investigation is under way in Old Sodbury following the grisly discovery of the eviscerated remains of a robin under the bed in a caravan and feathers all over the place.

A cat, known as ‘Feathers’ Kitty is the prime suspect, having been arrested in a dawn raid and caught red pawed, smothered in DNA evidence comprising red and brown feathers in her mouth.

It is thought that, if charged, she will ask for 200 other offences to be taken into consideration.


Tories Do it Again on Unemployment

Unemployment levels have reached an 18 year high. They have not been this high since …. well, since the last time the Tories were in power.


Hull Poised to Become Bastion of Republicanism

Following hard on the heels of Wooton Basset becoming Royal Wooton Basset, Hull City Council is set to declare Hull a republic after not having received a single application to hold one of those hideous street parties to celebrate the marriage of Prince William.

Our analysts suspect this is because no-one can afford it due to peak unemployment and suicide rates, leading to the suggestion that Hull City Council could empty the prisons in the area and have an enforced party somewhere in a semi-secure location.


Ninth Legion Delayed by ‘Wrong Kind of Snow’

5,000 blokes claiming to be Roman soldiers from the ‘Lost’ Ninth Legion have arrived in Scotland some 1,984 years late. They claim they were delayed by the wrong kind of snow and leaves on the line.

While wandering around the new house building site yesterday evening, I noticed this ancient Roman mosaic that Colin, our builder, had uncovered while constructing the parking place.

Ancient Roman mosaic

Obviously, the Ninth Legion had passed through Old Sodbury on their way to Scotland – by the look of the mosaic, probably around 1960.




2 comments:

  1. If the cat is found guilty will she be sentenced to death nine times?

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  2. Alan - there's no doubt about the guilt. She can't be sentenced though, as Hay has done a plea bargain with her.

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