Saturday, 12 February 2011

Falling Royal Blue Comedy Elephant Man

Mubarak Falls – Gaddafi Crapping Himself - Jordan Next?

Oh, we do hope so!

At least the Egyptians have successfully uninstalled Dictator V 3.0. Hopefully they will not now install Dictator V 4.0 via the army, from whence all the previous versions came. The army is still in charge.

Our political correspondent would not like to be Col. Gaddafi's shoes at this present time.

Blue Screen of Death to Plague Nokia Phones

Mobile phone giant, Nokia, which is suffering attrition from competing organisations, has decided to throw in its lot with Microsoft. This could mean their phones will start suffering from the Blue Screen of Death and require rebooting every few minutes, pundits have warned.

What are you staring at?

Water damaged Painting Sells for £23m

A painting by Francis Bacon that was obviously ruined by having had water spilled all over it has astonished the art world for being sold for the ridiculous sum of £23m.

Who the hell is it?

Our art critic, Brain Sewer, comments: “The work is though to be a painting of Bacon’s friend and fellow artist, Lucien Freud, but there again it could feasibly be a painting of Joseph Merrick, the Elephant Man – no-one can be certain.”

Elderly Racist Celebrates His Life

Britain’s favourite undead racist, Prince Philip, will be 90 in June. A photographic celebration of his life is currently being hosted at Windsor Castle.

Organising a Royal birthday party is very expensive, and obviously Her Majesty will want to insure against Philip kicking the bucket before June. However, it will be impossible to get decent odds from the bookies or the insurance industry on him making till then, which probably explains why the exhibition is being held now.

Comedienne Miranda Hart Redefines the Word Comedy

The world’s most unfunny comedienne, who has inexplicably picked up a host of awards for her TV show, has redefined the word ‘comedy’ to mean excruciatingly embarrassing, buttock-clenchingly banal and totally bereft of any semblance of what is normally termed humour. Or is it just me who doesn't get it?


  1. Re : Miranda Hart, not sure if it is just you as I have never heard of her. Should I go in search of her?

  2. £23M! Come on, Chairman Bill where did you get that painting from? Bet you knocked it up in your shed along with Jordan…. All I can say is, Blue Peter has a lot to answer for with our generation… It’s amazing with you can do with an old plastic washing-up bottle and a few poster paints ;-)

    As for Egypt, we all better start recharging our batteries and wheeling out our new electric car the green revolution is upon us sooner than we thought ;-(

  3. Great great great stuff!

  4. It sounds as if Miranda is representative of most rubbish that we are told that we must laugh at or be deemed humourless.

  5. The regular blue screen of death isn't remotely as interesting as this one, 3d is so much more immersive.