Thursday, 3 February 2011

Insane Enteric Harassment


Government Expected to be Declared Insane

MPs are renowned for protecting themselves, and it can’t be for nothing that they are to repeal the rule that automatically removes them from their parliamentary seat if they have been sectioned under the mental health act for longer than six months.

Political pundits are fully expecting a large number of Conservative MPs to shortly be declared officially insane. This has been corroborated by the government’s insistence on pushing through massive change in the face of voluble public opposition.


Pharmacists Sell Dieting Aid That Mimics Amoebic Dysentery

A new diet product called Alli has been released on the market that prevents the body from absorbing excess fat from food. This is accomplished by the active ingredient, Orlistat (tetrahydrolipstatin), inhibiting pancreatic and gastric enzymes that break down triglycerides in the intestine.

The side effects mimic amoebic dysentery or gastro enteritis, in that the user is turned into a turd cannon, uncontrollably squirting and farting streams of very greasy diarrhoea in all directions at inopportune moments.

Members of the public who choose to treat themselves with Alli are advised to carry of a spare set of clothes (including brown corduroy trousers) at all times and avoid family gatherings or special events, such as weddings, funerals or Bar Mitzvahs during the treatment regime.


Man Sues John Lewis Following Sexual Harassment

Shop assistant, Konstantinos Kalomoiris, 40, has accused a female colleague of sexually harassing him by repeatedly slapping him on the bottom.

We say, get over it love!

4 comments:

  1. I knew it, you've been reading the Daily Mail again haven't you?

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  2. Alan, I can't help it. I need a daily dose of laughter.

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  3. You're a bit late on the Alli theme it's been released on the public for more than two years now and as a prescription only medicine for far longer !!!!! (under ther name of Orlistat)

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  4. Jan: I've only seen it advertised on TV in the last month.

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