Friday, 18 February 2011

Geordie Minister Denies Newbury Plagiarism Cull

German Minister Denies Plagiarism

Germany's defence minister, Karl-Theodor zu Guttenberg, has denied newspaper allegations that he committed plagiarism in his law PhD thesis.

Guttenberg may have commented: “When you take stuff from one writer it's plagiarism; when you take it from many writers it's research,” although we are led to believe that is a Wilson Mizner quote.

Geordies Fear Being Told to Integrate

An unlicensed taxi driver who had not learned English despite living in Britain for 20 years has been criticised by a judge for failing to 'integrate'.

Hundreds of thousands of Geordies are now fearing they will be next and are enrolling for English courses.

A Geordie who was interviewed for this column said something unintelligible.

Bahrain Protests Boost UK Exports

In a welcome boost for UK Plc, UK exports of tear gas, flash grenades and various associated armaments to Bahrain went through the roof in the last quarter of 2010, which coincided with the local elections.

Arms exports to Saudi are shortly expected to see a welcome boost too.

Workshy to be Offered Jobs at Newbury Racecourse

Following successful trials with horses, a new government initiative to reduce the national benefits bill will see workshy benefits claimants being offered employment at Newbury racecourse.

They will be put to work in the parade ring, be compulsorily made to wear hobnailed boots and soaked in water before venturing onto the ring.

South Glos. Council Cuts Social Services Bill

In an attempt at reducing the social services bill by 50%, South Glos. Council has voted to cull all pensioners from mid 2011.

It is thought this will also provde a much needed boost to the flagging housing market.


  1. Where on earth is Bahrain? I've never quite understood. Always thought it was somewhere near Liverpool.

  2. Alan: It's near Bah-Gum. Somewhere east of the Pennines, I suspect.

  3. Apparently we're selling a lot of exploding prayer mats too, prophets are going through the roof apparently..

    (I'll get my coat)