Saturday, 19 February 2011

Reading Misleading Boat Show Video Votes

English Kids to be Taught to Read Gibberish

In the latest ploy to destroy our kids' education, the nation's childred are to be taut to reed gibalrish to cheque pupils' ability to deecode wurds using fonics, the Ejucayshun Sekretery Mikiel Gowve has sed.

At least they may grow up understanding what football managers say in interviews.

At least they may spell their tattoos correctly.

Liverpool Boat Show Cancelled

The prestigious Liverpool Boat Show has been cancelled, just two months before it was to be held, probably due to some scumbag nicking the dock in which it was meant to be held.

Liverpool, playground of the rich and famous and known for its Bootle stock-broker-belt and Wirral tax haven, would have been the ideal venue, being able to host an event six times larger than the Southampton Boat Show and provide the inhabitants of Liverpool with thousands of car wheels with which to sustain the local economy for at least 12 months.

Traditional Scouse welcome.

Mel Gibson to Produce Promotional Videos for Dictators

Mel Gibson, renowned for making historical films with the accuracy and attention to detail of a blind butcher, is believed to have been asked to produce promotional videos and news reports for Middle East dictators, kings and potentates.

The brief is to show them as loveable men of the people and fathers of their nations, rather than the bloodthirsty, corrupt and brutal bastards they actually are.

As accurate as £5 chronograph.

Millions of Children to Sue Parents

Two brothers have been found guilty of misleading thousands of customers at a Lapland-themed Christmas park.

A jury at Bristol Crown Court found both men guilty on five counts of misleading advertising – customers complained the place looked nothing like Lapland or Santa’s home and more like a toxic dump.

Our law experts think this will now set a legal precedent for millions of kids to sue their parents on the same grounds for telling them that Father Christmas actually exists.

There may also be implications for the Church.

Sue your parents - you know it makes sense!

Glegg and Cameron at Odds Over X-Factor Voting

David Cameron and whosisname Clegg are setting out their opposing views over the voting system.

While Clegg favours the X-Factor judges having a transferable vote, Cameron prefers the first past the post system and the judges having no vote at all.

On the important issues, however, Clegg and Cameron remain solidly against the public.

Major constitutional crisis.


  1. When does the new series of Politicians Got Talent start?

  2. Mutually exclusive description - politician + talent.


  3. And the Education Secretary's name does not, of course, rhyme with 'love'.

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